atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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