this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
