she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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