my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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