I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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