Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
