Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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