JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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