Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
