oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
