I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
