You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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