His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
