No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
