words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
