I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
