Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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