So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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