I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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