my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
