were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
