do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
