You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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