I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
