yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
