One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sarcasm needs its own font
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
