wanna go halves on a baby?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
