I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
