She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
is it fun? or sober?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
