Plan B is the new Plan A
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
