I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
