You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
