The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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