You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Boobs speak an international language.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
