If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
