All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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