I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
