cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
