HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
