I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
