Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
