Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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