I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
