There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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