hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cockslap morals
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
