After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
