I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
