dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
