went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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