That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i've created a new STD.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
