i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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