I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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