it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
