I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
