so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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