you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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