i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
