I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
