well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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