Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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