Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
