Got a toothbrush?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize