How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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