I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
