piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
