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3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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