Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize