member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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