My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
