I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
