Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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