afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
