I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
