So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
