You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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