Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
