youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
