Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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