I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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